The New Year Celebration

It was so super fun..we enjoyed to the max like the gud old days..Mrs D, Mrs D's husband, N & me. We made some stupid jokes as always. I'll share some of them later on...it's too late.. it's funny but yet so stupid.

It sounds like "read between the line"

A friend of mine M, posted her picture in FB with a message. It sort of a random quote or maybe sort of a teaser. But for me it's a very big sign of happy mode with her bf. I have a positive sense of this with no doubt. As a friend, I'm so super duper happy for her. I hope this is the time where the real Mr Right is there. No more quest.. :)

As for me, the quest is about to start...but before I could start any quest I need to settle with my own self first which is so hard. But I think I have to deal with it this time!

I wish all of my close friends life are being surrounding with such happiness :)

As for Mrs D, I'm so happy for her when she has the perfect husband (of course no one is perfect but almost perfect :) ) The only problem for her now is to get preggy. It must be such issue between the in-laws and her soon if she still couldn't any since she married for over 3 years :(

She never blurt it out, but I know her feeling especially when one of our best friend who got married later than her got the second baby already. She has no other problem except this one which is the hardest..

My other close friend L, she only  has to manage the final writing + viva for her master in chemistry. It's pretty hard..but I know she could do it with such brave heart. Besides, I think she needs to do one final decision for her ex too.

For N,  I have no such word for her. She has the most complicated life rather than my other close friends and me. She did the mistakes and she's getting the consequence now. I wish I never could see her in that way. My heart bleeds well whenever I see my close friends in stuck without could do nothing to solve it :(

For me, the very first thing that she must solve first is her degree certificate cuz this is the pin point for her future. hurmm..it super complicated..

For wut ever it is..I love all my close friends so much!

I was being forced to laugh

There were some good & harsh things that happened to me within these days..I have a lot of things to be written here which is my lil diary. A lot..till I couldn't organize my words very well. So nothing was being written here for the past few days..hehe..

I'm in my block leave now on..started from 22nd till Jan 1 2013. So obviously it gonna be such long week...and I had to complete all the things that still pending.

The testing is still on going bcuz of the infra people that simply did a mistake which caused the double data. I was being scolded at first bcuz of them! So I spent the whole Friday and Saturday completing everything that I could. I did plan to go home on Friday but that's too impossible cuz I had to wait for the files to be generated (4 hours) & I had to pass the files into the tape which was around 1 hour ++.

So I went back there on Saturday till 7 pm & my ticket was at 9.30 pm and the worst part.. I still didn't pack my things yet.

I went home in such hurried and packed such important things only such as my moisturizer..lip ice..(well..gal as always..lol). I was thinking to sleep right after I got my sit. It sort of running away from the home since I did bring a lot of things a long.

My journey was started & I was about to close my eyes while listening to the music that been played by the bus driver..I was like coughing that much when I heard one voice....

One guy was singing along..but the bad part was he was trying at his hard to mimic the singer's voice which was a woman. Could you imagine if a guy try to sing like a Diana Ross? He tried to sing like a gal. The song was started and he jumped at the chorus! LOL. Hell funny.

I was so tired & sleepy but I couldn't stop my self from laughing..but of course I did control myself. I was smiling and I faced myslef to the window so no one would see me in such long smile. Thanks to that anon guy. At least, he did force me to laugh which was a real joke. I felt good after getting through such a tiring day in the office :)

Please push me down from the hill!

This is the famous phrase that been used by Mrs D, me and my other pal. Lol. There was a reason why we invented it. We were started to be "build" up the fat many years back then. So we used to go to many things in order to make sure ourselves were not getting biggy jumbo! It's been such issue from the last ten 10 years and now we can't stop it. LOL + sigh!

One day, we had a dinner that been arranged by our college. So obviously we went there. But there was unlucky moment where a friend of mine accidentally slipped her leg into a small drain. Her leg was broken! So she's being hospitalized..but she still managed to take the final exam with that condition. Wut a spirit!

I think if that happened to Mrs D and me, we gonna take the MC for sure! hehe..Back to my friend..she's our close friend..she sort of chubby..more chubby than us in that TIME..lol.

P/S: we only a bit chubby in that time not like now on. LOL.

BUT.....ever since she got that broken leg..I mean she had to be hospitalized..and those things..



She became slim okay! We were so jealous bcuz of that. She never ever been chubby again after that no matter how much she ate.

So whenever we saw some small hill with a drain..whether we went to the cafe..or we went to the class..or any around of our campus...we  would say "please help me..please..please..please push me down from the hill!" LOL. This remained as one of our "legendary" till now on. As for my friend who broke her leg..she became a successful engineer now on..I'm so happy for her. BUT...there is one thing that make me  in such green eyes..she remains slim!

The Drama Queen

I wanted to post something funny last night but I did fall asleep right after I made the 2nd post as I was pretty tired while writing & weeping. When I'm thinking on it back..how tragic it was..LOL! What a drama queen of me. I think I was so super stress bcuz of yesterday's incident..besides I had to make jokes with my 2nd liner which is hurting me that much.

Actually, the main reason why I feel that way is bcuz she used to talk bad about my friend...gave some mimic..so obviously I wish I have no connection who love to "abuse" my friend! But when I had to make some out side's work interaction with her..it made me hurt.

Today is much better than yesterday..I just hope that project could be implemented before the freeze period...and only then I could have such ease mind to have my super block leave. 

When I re think about it...it's fine..it just that I'm pretty lonely in the office..but I still have my close friends..it's only in the office..so My life is still colorful :) 

Again!!!

I had a super rough day today. Two people from the support team asked me to help them to restore some production files. It happened due to some missing info in production. I couldn't say no as "they" came to me unexpectedly. Besides, if I say no..this is a big issue for our bank..and of course it will harm my name to my superior bosses.

But my team lead insisted that I shouldn't do it. So just imagine how hard my situation was. At the end of the day I did lead them to talk to each other..I didn't do it for the support team as she clearly said no. One thing for sure, my team lead was super mad to me. It's not my fault. I couldn't afford to be blamed for being the main reason not to restore the production files as soon as possible...besides, if this happen it will drag a big issue to the auditor. 

I feel so super xxxx..why should they have some problem that has something to be done with me..urghh..now my team lead is so mad to me. She may think I like to object on her words..

Suddenly, I feel exactly the same way-- super empty--when I was so new..one year ago..when I made the first step in this office. But I think this time worse...seriously it's worse..This is the first time in my career life I feel like this.

Of course I made a joke to my 2nd liner a lot. but actually it just to cover my true feelings and I was about weeping for the whole day. That's why I kept making the joke..so whenever I saw her laughing, I just could hold and hide the tears in the bottom of my heart. But the worst part it makes my heart bleeds very well when I made the joke to some who...hurm..

I'm sort of not interested to deal anything that has any connection between olive and sisters. So I keep myself in such distance from them. Hurm..I may feel like this bcuz I was so super stress with those people today..But when I re think again..it still nice..cuz although I'm in that super empty heart..at least I don't have to deal with any one of them. Some of them  may think I'm that icy.. but seriously I don't mind to mix up with any body but since these boys have so many things to be done with them..so I stay away.

I'm not being so bothered any more on wut they did to me but of course I will never forget. If I close to them that's mean I have to deal with olive & sisters again..which is a super big no to me!

I think I won't be so long in this bank..I'm gonna make a move after  I finish my bond..or at the maximum..after one year from that...

Read Between The Line

I have so many things to be written. Let me start with the sad part and I'll end up with a bit funny post. Ok, now I'm into the main part.

Normally I'm totally good in the "read between the line part". I could guess very well -- 90% on what happen around me. For what ever it is...whether the person got mad on me..any etc..I remained cool without making any reflection that could let the others knew that I did understand the real message. But..I think I lost the sense already.

It happened when my friend told me that I didn't have to be at the airport to give her one last good bye for this year. I kept telling her that I wanted to be there but she kept telling not to. Seriously for me I really wanted to be there. I always be with my friends till the end..

So lastly I told her that I was not going there..To be very honest I didn't go there bcuz I do respect on her privacy very very well..I don't want her bf feels awkward if I was there..or it could lead such small argument between them..well, I love my friend so I want she feels ease in all way..

But one other friend told me actually she gave an opposite hint bcuz we used to give double meaning. urghh..I don't know..For wut ever it is, I still feel that sad for not being there..but I choose for her comfort. Seriously I wish all my close friends could tell me on their true feeling as sometimes I lost my sense!

Yesterday, I posted a pict and I put "come back for good next year okay".  It's the "read between the line" from me to her. Actually I want to say to her..have a very nice rest..I know she's "tired" with few things at first..I also wish to say "rest..and clear your mind".. so when everything is being solved..please come back for good next year!

I wish all the best things for all my friends..I'm always be there for everyone of you..I'll hold your hand through thick and thin for ever after...

My lappy was broken

There are lot of things to be written here but my dearest lappy was "sick" and still not so fine. I need to fix her! I wish I could take MC and spent for hours to fix the errors...I wish..

December is here

December is here. That's mean I have less than a month to welcome the big 2013. I feel a bit tired.. :) I do realize that I have to set and plan the goal for my career & life. For this 2013, I have so many things to be achieved. Hurmm...in that case I have to be that super hardworking person in my career + mylife.

I used to be a person who stick with one thing for such a long time. maybe that's why I like to live with the same person..memories..& routine forever. That's why I still be friends with Mrs D for over 12 years and my kindi friend which is for 24 years!. man..I'm so damn old already..I'm 30..errr..

I think I need to change that one for myself..I mean stop lingering at one pit stop..of course all my close friendship will be remained..I wish all my close friends will be there for ever after, and I like it to be till the end of my last breath.

I need to be so super serious in these things:

1. Start from Dec 3 2012, I must focus on my mind to start exercise and diet. 1 month & half baby..no more cheat day! Consume a lot of water..to flush the sweet stubborn fat.

2. Re open COBOL notes to be an advance coder faster. Don't be that lazy git, N!

3. Learn the CardLink modules as I need to move to the next level at 2014. I want to utilize my cert to the max :)

4. Overcome my phobia for my previous accident! I need to re drive!!

5. Mastering the fibonacci for my forex trading.

So that's the list for 2013..it's  a lot! sigh..I need to be multi tasking..normally I just focus on one thing in once..err..

From these lists, I think number 1 & 4 are the most hard part for me..

"In the name of God, the beneficent the merciful.." I'm asking the bless from you my Lord to initiate those..in order for me to be a better person. Help me Lord.. Amen.

What should I do?

hurmm..my friend's flight will be tomorrow at 6. I really want to give the last good bye..as she's the only person who made me felt good when I was so new...(I did post wut happen back then).

She will go back to her country for good tomorrow  I met her just now, she gave me some of her stuff. Actually it's not that I really need those, but it's bcuz she's my friend. So as a sign of appreciating her I said yes. 

Since she's going for good, I think it's not appropriate if I'm not going to the airport to give the one final good bye. I told her about my plan and she said I don't have to be there as it's far from here which is will be for one hour. 

I don't mind at all on the timing but I do care most on my friend!

I don't know whether I should go there tomorrow or nope as I'm totally afraid that she might need her own privacy with her boy friend although I plan to be there for around 10 minutes only. I'm not that tough to be there till the end. Besides,I met her just now..so I really don't want to make her feels that being disturbed by me.. 

I don't know wut should I do then?? Should I go there? I'm so confused..

The stupid joke

So this is the day...where my friend is gone already. I went to the office with such empty heart. She helped me a lot, more than my 2nd liner...she's the only person who being nice to me when I was new..So obviously I'm in such broken heart when she's gone. She gave me her stuff..and it makes more sad..super shut down. Seriously, I tried my best to control my tears since yesterday! But I'm not that strong, I was in tears a lil bit for the whole day. Just lil bit tears but my heart bleeds very well. I felt like this when I did fight with Mrs D many years back then.

It's totally sad..but if this is the best for her..if this could make her happy at the most..of course I will say yes..& I'm so happy for her :)

When I came to the office this morning..with that super empty heart..my 2nd liner asked me "how r u?". She kept asking me few times of it. Since my tears was sort of kept coming...I think I couldn't be able to let the others notice about it.

So, I made some stupid jokes to her which she laughed a lot and laud. Thanks god the 'talent' was still there although I got such a rough day..battling with my own heart. Seriously..while I was joking to her..seeing her laughed..& I laughed too..but my heart was bleeding heavily.

I think I could never be able not to come to the air port to give the final good bye. I always be with my friends till the end. As for my friend..I'll always be your friend no matter you are succeed or nope in your plan. For wut ever it is..I stick with my promises to you..and you always be my friend for ever after..

What a lame life!

We were talking about the foreign countries that we visited so far. Gals talk..as always. My other two friends used to travel a lot. I only traveled twice. So I'm the least. I think it sort of a sad life that I have which I could consider as lame. But when I'm looking back of what happened to my life..hurm..

I was fighting with my own self for my study which I am not good at, at the most. Seriously. I hate computer subjects bcuz my mind couldn't understand very well on those programming subjects. I hate them...but look on what I'm doing now on. LOL. Life is funny.

Well, after those hated years I started to work..working like crazy for some time..then I got the assignment from my previous company to go to the foreign countries for every six months as their system engineer. I think it's pretty cool. But..I got the offer at the same time to further my study which is not that easy to get the opportunity.

I was about to go to Swiss and heading to US(my personal vacation) in that time but bcuz of that...and + I was so lazy to prepare my documentations..I just turned my head to the school. LOL. So in the other word, I stuck at school with those papers for 2 and half years.

I don't know, I don't have that super enthusiastic to go abroad for visit. hurm..super lame huh! Well maybe I was so sick to my life ++ busy and that's why all those things never been squeezed into my mind. I know it sounds lame..yes it is..I have to admit it but..at least I'm done with my master degree..working in the different fields and the cisco thingy.

I know myself very sure, I could not study if I'm at this age (I mean if I need to start the master course now). I never could.  It's fine now if I'm in PHD. So what I'm doing now is trying to learn as much as I could for the technical stuff before I'm moving to the other stage within the next 2 years.

I think it's ok although those made me stuck here without getting much time to have such leisure. It's fine to be re junior now..saving the claw. But I'll shoot next year or 2014 :) & only then...I could have such ease of mind to travel around if I want to. To be very honest I want to go to Swiss now and I just want to sit and relax in front of their famous lake there. Is that's it? super lame of me..

How Old are you?

Actually this is a question to my friend. To be very honest, this is the best reason why I never ever want to bring my other two friends if I have a lunch with my friend. I don't know what they are thinking on. But for me it's kind of a sensitive question. You have to look on the person that you are asking for. & the worst it's on our lunch. It's the time where we should enjoy the lunch very well. You guys not suppose to shoot the others with that question.

If I have such option I am very sure that I won't bring my other friend which I could address her,J with us along.  You just ate with her personally twice and you shoot the question. Perfect! But it will be worse if one of my other friend, H will be there. She will shoot with the other harsh questions such as 'do you have a bf?' 'when will you get marry?' etc..In the other word, yes they gonna be monster and they insist for the answer!

I'M SO SO SO SORRY TO MY FRIEND.

oh darling..please don't fail

Urgh..I'm so scared now on...The job is running for more than 3 hours..please..please JCP0569U darling..don't fail..LOLOL...mummy is so tired already. LOL

There are two possibilities..whether it will hit space error or more time consumption which I hope it won't be that long as of course they don't want the time completion difference will be so obvious compare to the existing one.

It bcuz the other jobs that depend on this job needs to wait it to be completed first....urghh..please...please...I'm so damn scared.

I'm on picnic

yeah...I'm having my super picnic now on. yup..super picnic..build up the tent..sitting on the wood block while having a cup of hot coffee. The breeze is so refreshing. Super nice..I couldn't describe it with any single word.
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But unfortunately, the cool breeze is coming from my white USB fan..the coffee is the cold nescafe from the pantry..and the wood block is my office's chair. Damn..I spend my lovely weekend here...having the picnic in my office. LOL.

I'm doing the system testing now..It requires such a big space...The project is not that hard at all but the testing kills me as we need to test it with the production data that contains millions of customer record! So this job was failed for so many times as it required the huge space that couldn't be met.

One of the hardest part is...I have to wait around..at least 1 hour and 45 minutes before it hit error..but normally it will take more than 2 hours. just imagine..I spent like 2 hours ++ and it ended with error..

1 job ~ 3 hours...so in one day I could perform the testing for 2 times only.. 

I did this testing for 1 week and half already...Please...I wish this testing will be ended today successfully so I could implement the project.

Seriously, I wish..I could spend my time with any friend of mine for some leisure chat...maybe some movies..window shopping..or karaoke to test our lovely voice for Celine Dion or Whitney songs . LOL.

I wish..

Wut a luck!

I went out to test drive my car yesterday. It's my 1st ever after 7 years. Damn it. If it's not bcuz of that accident, I must be a pro now on! After having that scary moment driving the car, I went home. I accidentally left the phone on the back seat. I realized about it right after I went out from the car but my brother drove too fast!

The phone numbers that being stuck inside my brain are my mum & mine. That's it...I tried to call her by going to the mini shop down stair.. asking the favor from the store keeper. I told her " I'll buy $5 reload & I'll make a call from your phone". The lady was so nice. She did let me use it freely although I did insist to buy the reload.

I made many calls to my cell & my mummy..but it's in vain as no one picked up the call. I sent a text to my mummy. But no reply. I was out of idea but I gave that lady $3 although I just used around $1. She refused but I put the money and went out straight away. So she couldn't return the money as there were so many people there. 

I couldn't sleep for the whole night cuz I was thinking some people might look inside my car from the window as the tinted is not that dark. Normally people will break into the car if they could find valuable stuff inside. It's 95% positive! 

I was thinking if the car is getting broken....

1. I have to buy a new Iphone!  I think I need to buy it directly from here this time which is so XXXXXXXXX --> expensive. LOL. Yes, I can have an Iphone in such cheaper price but....I have to be in the contract with the telco. That's the thing that I hate most. It's gonna be so expensive here if we buy one empty Iphone without any telco package. 

2. I have to repair my broken car. I think the cost will be at least $600.

If that happen I'm gonna  be super broke this month as I have some other super extra expenses this month. Besides, I want to make some extra saving. Hehe  I couldn't sleep at all last night bcuz of that. 

In the next morning, I ran to the office as I'm gonna have my personal phone there. I tried to call my mummy but...her phone was off! OMG! I was so damn stuck and I suddenly remember about my mum's new second number. I tried to open my mail from the pc but the connection got blocked. urgghh..

While I was so stuck I saw my friend came to the office. I know very well that she has an internet connection from her smart phone. But I simply too shy to ask her favor as she used to help me lot..Besides I know very well she needs her internet to download her big files. She only has 1 G quota.. Although my personal mail is small but I'm kind of afraid if that small amount will make insufficient data quota for her files. It's gonna be so hard to her. So..it's a big no..

 Eventually I took a cab to come back to my house and opened the email. I got the number...but I burnt almost $40 for that email....bcuz I took cab for 3 times..but at least I'm not making the tense to the others. It's about me..myself. 

At last, I could reach my mummy via her 2nd number. She accidentally left her phone at our other house. urghhh..So I could reach my brother & I planned to get a cab. But another friend of mine insisted to help me by driving me there. So I agreed at last. 

When I went there-- around 12.30, I looked at my car..the iphone was so obvious laying on the back seat. But super thanks to god...no one did notice it although it's too obvious....I felt so much relief...the only word that could be uttered is "thank you lord...". 

One of the god's promise, he won't ever test you on something that is beyond you or..in the other word "he won't test you unless you could take the test". In this case I couldn't afford to take it mentally if I lost the phone & my car is being broken. 

God never ever forget us in wut ever the situation is but we are the one who always forget him...

Wut we have..wut they have..

I was blog walking last night and I found the article that shared his friend's experience when he went to some countries. I think it's kind of interesting as we used to "sigh" for this..for that..and almost everything...

I intentionally not to mention where the country is...but the most important part it's not here in Malaysia.I translate one of his experience in this post. 

Here we go..

This was 40 days experience for staying on the mountains  It is an area of ​​high hill about 6,000 feet above the  sea level. It such a cold place and it's getting colder when the night fall. Sometimes the cloud would be moved in from the window and it would go out from the other window! They live in such poverty...The old ladies were washing the clothes in the river..while the kids were giggling happily..

A local dashed to me and asked me to visit some other villagers. "Where do we want to go in this early of morning?' The local guy said "Don't worry it's not far at all".

We got thru some small hills and climb few of them. I was sort of loosing my breath, but the guy remained cool and steady. I said "Wait for me" while gasping the breath. The guys said "no worry it's not that far. It just behind the hill". I was staring at the place that been pointed by him. I whispered in my heart, "It's damn far! ". 

That's how a Malaysian will react if we are facing that situation as we are totally depend on the vehicle to move from one place to another. We arrived at the house about almost half an hour later. The houses there were quite far apart from each other. I took the long breath.. I looked around the house....They were being built on the slope!  They planted tapioca around the houses. They also planted some coffee trees and cucumber. They put some tapioca on the roof top to dry them.

 The host greeted  us warmly especially when they knew the Malaysian visitors were there. The house was so 'simple'. The wall was made by woven bamboos...and the floor was the ground. The windows were being closed at night with some old rice sacks. We sat on wooden benches but actually just an old wood. They served us with cucumber that been cut into small pieces and coffee.

For your info, it's a home made coffee that been pounded from the backyard. I think that's the most tasty dish that they could afford for the guests. I ate them with such smiley but I felt the long deep grief inside my heart . They just ate those in order not to hungry. I asked what's the purpose of the dried cassava outside.

They said it's to make their rice. The tubers were mashed and cooked as the rice. That's their daily food, they only ate rice sometimes. They planted the paddy on the slopes of the hills and mountains but it's only for for sale.

By looking at this situation all my arrogant..my ego were gone. The tears went out uncontrollable.

We are here..live in such luxury.. with beautiful house..nice car..nice clothes..we have ton of foods..While we enjoy our self most here..they are struggling for their life..think on wut should be eaten although it's going to be a tapioca rice.

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It reminds me on myself..I used to claim this..that..why should I stuck with this computer life that makes mylife in such hell. But actually this hard life is such millions time better rather than these people. Thanks god..

Tell me seriously: do you have a boy friend already?

Actually this is a text from my mummy. LOLOL. Oh my dear mummy thanks for your concern. I was pretty scared that she wants to do an arrangement marriage for me. Erkk...NO...please..LOL.

Hurmm..I have few things in my mind. To be very honest, if I could find the right candidate now (I'm not searching the perfect guy but I have few basic criteria which are not that hard to be fulfilled since we are living in 2012!)....I'll stay loyal forever and I promise that I'll shed these stubborn fatty within 3 months! So I'll be that hot gucci mama for you! LOL.

Furthermore, if the guy knows the cardlink system + COBOL very well, I do volunteer to get marry by Dec 31/2012. LOLOLOL.  If he is in the other profession, it's fine -- I love to mix up with the other world..but he needs to wait for at least 9 months...maximum 1 year. LOL.

 Why? I'm in such newbie in this cardlink and COBOL..so I used to be stressed especially when it comes to those complicated projects. Whenever I came home in that situation I was doing on my own things..so if the other half knows about those things he could help me to solve it...LOL..so I won't be in such stress that could effect the family.

Let say the mr hubby doesn't know about my world..so whenever I get that damn stress I don't feel like to talk to anybody. So for sure I'm gonna be drowned with my own problem without cooking for him..this..that...so it's a big NO. It's fine if it's about me my own. But I don't like to make the others in hell..as one of my ambition is to be a gud wife and mummy. Sounds funny eh? LOL. yeah..wut ever..but that's the fact. I don't mind if people wants to call me super odd as we are living in the millennium era.

Hence, I'm taking these time to learn as fast as I could...Wish me luck to find my mr right. LOL

I'm back

I did hibernate for quite some times due to such broken heart. BUT...this is not bcuz I did broke up with a guy. Hell no! LOL. It's bcuz a person did treat me damn harshly at my office. I never did it before and when I asked about it she cursed me. I was so speechless and I got so mad..

When she did it for the first time she did notify by the others. There is no such way that she knew it automatically.

It was my first time, so I'd no idea. I never asked anybody to respect me or treat me super nicely. It's fine enough by not coming with those super rude words. That's it.

Whenever I got that mad my heart shredded into pieces and I rather to cry that long..I won't tell the person that "I'm mad on you". In fact, I'm not mad any longer after I feel that pain..it just the super pain remains in my heart for such a long time. That's the reason why tears couldn't be stopped for the whole Thursday morning. What a drama. I think I'm sort of a drama queen. LOL

I think my mind is more clear so I could start to write again. Seriously there are so much things to be written but when I was in that "dead" mode everything was mixed up and being written in my heart.  I hope none of you guys are in such condition like me :)

Empty

There were lot of things happened that I love to share here from the joke till the teary part. But I feel my heart is in that super empty as it sort of being stabbed harshly. mmm..but I think yes it is..I was crying for the whole morning of Thursday. I need some times to cool down my heart & mind first before I could write any topic. I hope all of you will have such good weekend :)

If Animals Have Their own Facebook Account..

If they do so, what do you think on the post that they will shout at their wall? 

Mosquito: I just went back from Danny's house. I'm full enough. Burp..Thanks god..

Lizard: My wife is stuck at the door. She can't move!

Tabby: My 5th son just asked me "who is my daddy?". I'm so confused how to tell him as I do forget very       well on who the hell of his daddy is.

Cock/hen : My dear friends, if I do not make any facebook's update tomorrow that's mean I'm being the fried chicken already. I love you all. Don't forget to make the prayer for my soul okay!

Mosquito: Oh damn, I accidentally gave the shot to a drug addict. So I'm having HIV positive now! (tsk..tsk cry)

Tomcat: I just add one hot gucci mama as my new FB friend which is my neighbor. She's a Persian, dude!

Happy feelings

I'm so happy to see a friend of mine in such smile. She got a bouquet of flower from her bf...& that's mean she's having a very good state of relationship :) I'm totally happy if my friend in that best mood although I'm not in that good condition ---> I'll post about "tell me frankly, do you have a boy friend already?" (LOL+ sigh).

Again I wish she's gonna be happy for ever after with her Mr right :) !

The Germany Tourist

I went back to KL yesterday evening after visiting my daddy. So on the way back to KL, I met a Germany gal in the bus. She's so upset as she missed her flight from Indonesia. She's alone & this is the very first time for her in Malaysia. She didn't plan at all to come here so she has no idea about Malaysia. The worst part is she must arrive to Thailand this morning bcuz the bus for her travel agency will start the journey today or else she's gonna missed it.

I saw her in such loss so I did approach her first & asked her on where she wanted to go. So that's the starting point where I knew the whole story. I offered her my phone to call the travel agency but she didn't know the number as her friends did deal the whole things. She also didn't know about her friends phone numbers as they just left Indonesia heading to Thailand.

Her friends gave her such wrong instruction..to get a boat from Indonesia to Johor..then from Johor to KL...and only then take a flight from KL to Bangkok..I felt so sorry for her..She has no idea about Malaysia & suddenly she had to get through such journey. It much better if she took a direct flight from Singapore to Thailand. It much easier & of course less hassle!

What is done is undone. So the very best thing that I could do for her is to suggest the option if she couldn't book the ticket for this morning. I also went to the counter with her to double check on the which train that she supposed to take in order to reach LCCT. I know the destination but I just wanted to double confirm.

So we went together to the electric train station & guided her for which side that she supposed to take. I couldn't imagine if I am in her position. I was thinking to give my cell number if in case she couldn't get the flight for this morning so I could give her instruction to go the main bus station for the northern states which will be ended -->Thailand..but it's in vain since I was out of battery..the charger was being left in the office..Urghh..

For what ever it is I wish she won't miss her flight today and the most important thing here is she's gonna have a safe journey!

I Feel Like to Say xxxx

I'm in the office now on to complete the phase 2. So I tried to re run my previous report...which I did test for so so many times last Friday. It worked very well but................when I re tried just now........the report was empty. Damn it. I checked the last ID who changed the code..it's mine..but when I checked the code..it's the previous version which was not working properly...which is not the latest code!! It's postive for 1 million percent.

I wonder who transfer this non updated code to my latest folder. (I have few folders for the non working code).  I can't accuse anybody but the culprit is there.

Unfortunately I didn't back up the latest code to any folder..super perfect! Now I have to hold my heart very well to trace the problem one by one. As a normal human being I feel like to say "xxxx you" to anybody who did this.

I tried to fix it but it's not working....my mood is in super shut down so I can't do the tracing..urghh. Therefore, I'm building the new code.

It's gonna be a damn big problem if I couldn't resolve the issue by today...urgh...please God..help me to ease the burden & complete all programs by today. Amen.

::: I think I have to do the blue print backup..to be prepared for the worst case like this. I couldn't catch the culprit but at least..the effort for that 'smart' person will be in vain.

Please guide me..

1. In the name of God, the infinitely Compassionate and Merciful.
2. All the praises and thanks be to God Lord of all the worlds.
3. The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
4. The Only Owner (and the Only Ruling Judge) of the Day of Recompense (i.e. the Day of Resurrection)
5. You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything).
6. Guide us to the Straight Path.
7.  The path of those who have received your grace; not the path of those who have brought down wrath,  
         nor of those who wander astray.

Amen.

Spaghetti Olio Aglio

I'm in that strict diet within these days and shed almost 1 kg for every day.....but I got a super severe pain on my muscle near my rib which cause the MC today. Hurmm..I wonder how many days of MC that I will take if I still a student (if I get such severe pain).  I think it will be 2 weeks. LOL.

It's pretty sad that I couldn't do the diet as I'm afraid it will cause a huge stress to my muscle as my body will work more to burn the fat! So..since I'm not in that diet..I took spaghetti for my dinner (which is a big NNOOOOO in atskin!)..Sigh~~ but I'm a bit happy too..I'm in the mixed up feelings..lol.

I have two most favorites spaghetti in this world (err..) 1. Olio 2. Bolognese. I got Olio today. There are so many versions of this Olio..After having so many versions of it..I think this version is the best!! ((for my tongue--taste buds)). So I feel like to share mine:

p/s : serious reminder-- if my tongue lies to me..that's mean I lie to you. LOL. So as a 'gentle' reminder..don't try it if you think you couldn't trust me.

1. Mince garlic (you could use extra if u like)
2.  Butter
3.  Tuna chunks or flakes in olive oil.
4. A bit of chili flakes ( you could use extra if like hot & spicy)
5. Dry parsley (I don't like to use the fresh one as I could sense the sharp taste of it)
6. Cheese powder (if you like to)
7. Salt (as much as you need) & pepper (if you want to)

Heat the pan & mix the butter & olive oil from the tuna (isolate the tuna from the oil --buy the tuna in the can). Put the garlic & the chili flakes together until they are saute. Then put the salt first as we want the salt mix well in the tuna & the spaghetti very well. Let the tuna in then..mix well until you feel it's fine..and now the spaghetti turns is here. Add the cheese powder (if you like to) and the dry parsley...so it's done.

I took that picture from one of the blog cuz my phone is out of battery to snap my spaghetti pict but it looks sort of like that..

Out of topic----
I was sick for these weeks but I didn't take any MC as I was so busy with many projects which I had to do few things. I have to be paralleled with 3 projects in once.  Last week I was stuck with the 1st project & this week till yesterday I was stuck with the 2nd project..I completed those 2 projects so I still couldn't complete my 3rd project. Damn it!! My 2nd liner gave me hard word..urghh.. I hope it will be solved by tomorrow.......I hate this feeling! I need a super angle now as the output of the report couldn't be produced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please..................

I only have less than 1 year experience of COBOL..I need more time to be good like I did in the SEO..web marketting..php..steganography..sms..or the web design..I promise to my god that I'm not being a snob git when I could be that superb in this COBOL line & I will help the junior as much as I could...not like my second liner...she could be that cocky as she has more than 6 years experience of it!

The super saturday

I suppose to have such fun saturday today with my friend for the karaoke , lunch + arrow. But since I don't want to be with that person so I made the excuse that I'm sick so I couldn't make it. Yes, I'm sick but it's not making me not to go out. so I hang out with my other friends and I did choose a place that a bit far so there won't be any chance to get bump with them. LOL. Seriously I feel guilty to my friend but as I said I could not afford to hurt someone who the only person gave me the comfort at the very first place. So I can't.

I went out for a movie today and as always my friend did choose the horror one. Sigh~~ But at least it's not a ghost movie. It gives me creepy feeling. LOL. yeah, I'm so coward to those.

I'm so tired with many things (I'll make a post about this later on)..so I need the break..pretty tired..

As always, I could call this as the half chicken run. I need to clean my room now as my mind couldn't be eased whenever I see these messy...........

Should I go?

There's an opportunity in Shell now on...I'm considering....but..I just learn about this credit card thingy...If I'm considering about the money..it will be almost triple higher...but if I leave now..it sort of not completing the mission..I mean, I just learn in the half way..Whenever I start something I must finish it splendidly.

Of course I'm chasing the money but I need the satisfaction too...urgh..I don't know..

Btw, the day is coming..& I think I really need to do the excuse...not to go out with my friend..I'm so super sorry my dear friend but i could not afford to hurt some one who gave me the comfort at the very first place.  

A very super serious mistake

One of my close friend made a super serious mistake in her life. I knew her since we were in campus. I wish she never ever did the mistake so she won't have to get thru this bad time. I hate to see her in that stuck situation..what to do..how to solve it..and etc. As for my dear friend, no matter how serious your mistake is I'm always your friend..I'm always be with you for the laughter & the tears. I could be the second ears and we'll walk together until everything is fine...

The Greedy People are Always in Profit

There is one old Malay idiom. mm..I think the best English translation could be like this "greedy people always lose" but I feel like to make a new idiom then. "The Greedy People are Always in Profit". hehe

The story starts with this..I don't know why..I love to plant flowers, fruits trees & even vegetables since I was kid. Maybe it bcuz my grand daddy & nanny were farmer. I guess so..

When my mum still not retired her friend used to give us some mangoes & my aunt did that too. Since I love mango, I was thinking it will be so nice if I have few types of mangoes on my own where I don't have to wait for them to give it to me.

So when I ate those mangoes I did choose the different types that I love so much & started to seedling them. My mum said no need to plant it since we could buy them easily. I think she said I was greedy. ahahahahha..But as always I didn't care on what she wanted to say to me. I just did what ever things that I wanted to do (on those good things only :) )

It's not about the money...but it's more on the satisfaction. It will make me that satisfy to see my own mangoes tree..looking on it's flower..waiting them to ripe..and...lastly harvest the mangoes from my own. After 2 years (I guess so) she complained to me your mangoes tree still not produce anything..but as always I ignored her by saying wait for some more time.

So what happen to them now?????? See those pictures as the result!!!! (I  took this pictures 2 weeks ago!)

 

I planted them at the next of my mum's car garage so it's super easy to grab them! The good part is the 3 types of mangoes trees bear the fruits together all the time :) Obviously we couldn't finish them of our own since it's so many...hence we share the mangoes to all of our neighbors.

 Although we did share to everybody the mangoes were always there till we felt enough :) I'm glad to be the greedy person who planted the 3 types of mangoes. LOL.    

How??????????????????????

My brain is stuck! But it's not bcuz of the coding but it's bcuz of my next 2 week's plan. I have a close friend in the infra side. As always, I love to hang out around in weekend...so I asked my friend & her sister to go out as always--- going for lunch at my home & we will go to karaoke after that.

The main problem here is she will ask her friend which is my second liner to join the karaoke & our other plans. I don't have any problem with her but she did hurt my friend! I choose the person who gave me the comfort first. As I was super lonely she's the ONLY one who made me felt fine there...

so I won't accept the person who ever hurt my friend like that...

Maybe my friend doesn't mind on it...but if I'm in her position I'll feel that damn bad...I just imagine, I don't mind at all she talks to Olive..but I feel that hurt if she's closed with olive (going out together..and etc) although I know I'm not supposed to feel that way. Well we are just a human who has heart and feeling.

So I won't ever do any thing that I consider could hurt me to the others...but I'm thinking what kind of excuses that should be made to my friend & her sister?? Damnnnnnnn..Why my boss is there? It ruin the plans!!!Urghhhhhhhhh

I can't control my tears!

Whenever I watched this Eid Commercial advertisement I couldn't control my tears. The story line starts with 2 boys which are best friend live in an orphanage house. One of the boy name as Fizi (blind) and the other one is Ahmad (he's having hearing & speech problem, I think he nearly to deaf that's why he couldn't pronounce the words very well) & only Ahmad could understand what he said very well. I also couldn't understand what he said until the translation was there!

In the night of Eid, everybody was going back to their family except these boys. Ahmad was looking to his old picture and said he misses his mummy. Fizi heard what Ahmad said and asked him to go back to his village to meet Ahamd's mummy.

Since it was the Eid's night so all tickets were gone & there was only 1 train ticket left but they needed 2. So how they could go back to Ahmad's village? Did they manage to meet Ahmad's mummy? Watch this TV commercial :(

 p/s: this commercial comes with the English subs. Besides, these 2 kids are really handicap, they are not actors.

Assalamulaikum = Peace be upon you
Duit Raya = The money that we give to the visitors when they are visiting our home on Eid.
Selamat Hari Raya = Eid Mubarak, it's sort of when people wish the Christmas with merry christmas.
Maaf Zahir & Batin = "I seek forgiveness (from you) physically and spiritually", for Hari Raya is a time to reconcile and renew relationships with others.

**We may did hurt somebody straight away and talked something bad about them in our heart that's why the "I seek forgiveness (from you) physically and spiritually" comes in the wish.

It's NOT Funny Okay!

I wish I could say this to someone but I'm afraid that people will judge me as a person who love to talk at the back but seriously I tried my best to bear on it. But...I think my limit reached at the half already. Someone in my office loves to laugh out of laud (LOL)..but I think the best word is "overacting". She used to do it, normally I'll say to myself "whatever.." and continued on my works. But today she blew my mood!

My place is very near to hers so I could hear every single word. It's fine if it's funny to laugh like that. But hell it's not funny at all! It's sounds totally fake to me. It's more like "roaring". I don't know what she tries to prove to everybody by doing it. & I think it's fine if she does it once or twice...but.............................she did it many many times today. It's totally annoying okay!

Does she thinks it's super cutey to do like that?? Hell no..Seriously it makes me feels so embarrass if I'm being her friend no matter what position that she holds. It's about the attitude.

It distracted me that much especially when I tried to finished my coding where I needed a lot of concentration! There are some people who love to laugh on those non funny things in my office but at least they didn't do it overly till the whole office could hear very well like what she did. She laughed like crazy on the things that were not funny! I saw the other person who was speaking with her was not laughing (in the morning). She just smiled and in the evening those who were talking to her also did laugh a lil bit.

Hurm..this is just my point of view..forget it.

Oh my boss!!!

As I posted previously, I really hate my birthday. A friend of mine also did ask me when it's gonna be. I didn't tell her as I'm quiet 'allergic" to that date. LOL. I also hide mine and tried to delete as many as I could on those previous birthday wishes in my FB.

But.........I think my ambition to hide the historical date destroyed today..when my boss asked about my birthday. It sort of having a big rock stucked to my throat...damn..& she forced me more..making the excuse that it's bcuz I'm part of the team...So wut could I say since the KPI evaluation is coming..I want my bonus..hahahhaha...

With such broken heart...I had to say it   Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaannnuary 19. ahahahha...damn it!! The worst part was she ticked on her calendar! Nooo...urgghhhhhh...Btw, I still mad at her as she took me from my previous team where I had to change my sit that I love so it made my world is so silent while I'm working. No more lil chat with my friend in the evening time..no more stupid jokes that could be made whenever I felt so stress! It's super bored....

Mrs D

Having a long term best friend is super nice..I love to live with the same people forever. & I have one best friend which we call as D. We've been friends for more than 11 years.  There were so many bad & good time that we spent together...We did fight once but we made it back after few years.  No one is perfect in this world & I'm not expecting any of my friends to be that saint :)

We did many stupid jokes since we were kiddo till now on. Taking the MC for our final exam..lololol...running away from the campus's guard (riding a motorbike with 3 persons)..lol.shared one packet of instant noodle..playing fire crackers in the campus..& when we got scared if the guard spot us we wore a mask like ninja..ahahahaha..super stupid..and many others..

Whenever I need to laugh or at least to smile, I'll remember those memories. It never fails. LOL. It super nice to have such friends. We know each other's attitude & habits. But.....there is one thing that is not nice of having super long friend......

Since she knows my past habits very very well,  she used to tease me all the time. Sometimes when I want to do new things she won't believe it like "are you sure...(with the sarcastic tune & face..lolol..damn). But it's fine, I like that kind of friendship :)

Strangely, we have the same problem when we are getting older. We need to diet. ahahhahahaha..So we made an agreement to do it for two months. She said we must fine before Jan 1 2013 or we have to wait till 40, so it's gonna be a lot of time for us (sarcastic words..)

I was talking to her on the phone this evening & she told me if it's not working we have to take shower under the bridge. I also told her that we need the friends that are having the good body to pour the water from the bridge. ahahahaha..I have the list. ahaha..

I hope this new diet resolution will work well this time...urghh...As for my friend D, I hope the friendship remains for ever after so do to my other close friends..It's totally nice to have someone that we know very very well..whenever it's good or bad..we still get through it together with such brave hearts...As I always said "hold the hands and let's grow old together" :)

The Hospital Day

I took an EL last Friday because my daddy was admitted to the hospital. He's having some problem with his chest & asthma. It happened bcuz he was a heavy smokers for ages. He's a stubborn man. But he tried to quit within these 2 years. But the damage is there already. For what ever it is I hope he could recover well like before although it's kind of slim hope :(.

Actually it sort of I couldn't go to the hospital that night but since my brother finished his shift early so he could send me there. It's kind of lucky that I was there to take care of him or else it's gonna be worse as his condition was so bad. He needed favor to take his drinking water, to call the doctor and even to press the emergency button.

I saw my daddy was crying few times...urghh..maybe he's regretted for the past :(. It's so tiring as I had to sit on the chair for the whole night and I only slept for few hours since he got some severe asthma attacked for a few times. The only good thing was there were many handsome doctors around. LOLOL.

Moral of the story please...never ever touch the cigarette! Love and protect yourself! I hope my Mr Right is a not a smoker as I have enough with my daddy and brothers. No more smoker man in my life!

1 + 1

I feel like to write for this 1 + 1. This is a serious posting which I'm not making a stupid joke at all. What is the answer of 1+1? Obviously it's 2 right. Let me make one example. Some students may want to change this reality. Let say they believe 1 + 1 = 11.  These students even could make 100 followers to believe that 1+1 = 11. They also could force many people to say yes with them. But at the end of the day the truth is still the truth. They will fail in math, physic or even chemistry exam if they insist with it. This truth couldn't be changed although they split the earth to be two or kill 1 million of people.

This analogy could be applied to our daily. I hope all of us could find the right answer in our life and never fail to get into the right way. Think.

The dream comes true!

It's been one week since my last post. My computer wasn't be able to be restarted! It's my fault as I was so lazy to shut down the machine. So I did hibernate it for a very long time. Sorry my dear baby! LOL. I promise I won't ever do it again as 85% of my important activities were shut down due to this problem. As a solution I burnt the whole night to restore the setting to be like brand new & I lost all the data...Sigh~~ I need to do the data recovery in order to get all my research paper..my web development job..and etc!

Back to the main topic, I supposed to do my presentation on last Friday which was 21 September. Since my  dear "baby was sick" so it disturbed my preparation for 95% as I couldn't read the documents from my lappy. What a perfect timing baby!! LOL. To be very honest I was thinking to buy one external hard drive & transfer all those as my main backup. I'm damn regretted not to follow my instinct. It's not the first time..so guys..follow your instinct as it may help you a lot in the future!

Since I could do nothing about it so I went to the office in such early time and went back in a bit late. When the day was around the corner I wasn't be able to think that much...I even slept like 3 hours..damn.

On Wednesday's night I felt the most heat as I had only one day remaining. I was saying to myself .. "I wish
my boss will take MC on Friday so they have to postpone it..they are going to postpone it for two weeks!"
Sometimes I felt that it's not nice to wish somebody to get sick so I really hope they will postpone it for some urgent meeting. I also wished like this.."on Thursday they will say..sorry we have to make it in the next 2 weeks as she has a very urgent meeting" That's better rather than hoping my boss to get MC. LOL.

I had to submit my final slide on that day (Thursday) and performed some demo to my lead. When I bumped to her she did say "did you prepare..it's going to be tomorrow ok!" I did send it and she was asking me 'do you want to do it now?' I said to her "give me one hour to make one short note"

I felt so tensed and seriously if I was being stabbed with a Kris (Malay dagger with a straight or wavy blade),I'm very sure that no blood will be shed as I felt like I had no more blood in my vein! hahahhaa.

At 4.45 pm she asked me how? I was saying to her that I will try my best. At 4.50 pm, she called me once again and I said to her 10 minutes as I promised her 1 hour. Suddenly she said "it's ok, I want to postpone the presentation" ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit! I think my soul was almost flew away. LOLOL. After 5 minutes she told me that the presentation will be done in the next two weeks.

My wish was granted for almost 90% as I hope my boss will take MC in that day. I wish it's for 2 weeks and yes it is..I think it's pretty freaking weird right to get the thing that we really wish for almost 100% and to be very honest it happened for many times. Seriously sometimes I feel that scared as I'm afraid it's a false wish and it will lead a bad situation for me. Hurm..I wish I made another wishes in that time like having 1 million dollars instantly. LOL. I told it to my friend and she said if you get it give some to me. I said I'll split to half. LOL.

Anyway, I feel so relief as my computer is fine now on & I could do the preparation such such peace in my mind. I hope my family, friends and every one of you will have such peace of mind for your daily life too :)

When I was kid

Advert (LOL)------>I'm so damn lazy to go home as I need to study about the system for my presentation...but since my mum will go mecca next week so for sure this is the last free week to meet her before her long trip. She will come back on November. It's so long...& I'm gonna miss my mummy.

Now we go to the right topic...When I was kid,  my parent did divorce. It started from my daddy.
P/s: In this case I'm not blaming anybody..I just want to share & let's take the positive points to be such better person in our future :)

I used to have such good time with them...going for the late night supper together..we went to the vacation trip for every single school break..shopping time..& etc..but ever since it happened all of those were gone! Yeah, we still did those things but not that often any longer and of course the feeling was different.

It such a big shock to me. My mom started to be a very bad temper person. I think she's so tense bcuz of my daddy. She couldn't accept any mistake although it such a small one. She used to give such harsh words. She also loved to compare my dad and me..talked about those bad things about him. It's being repeated over..and over till I couldn't accept it any longer. I know it his mistake but I don't think she supposed to keep saying about it. It sort of trying to brain wash. She didn't has to remind me that hard as I know very well how to do the judgement.

I knew she's not the guilty side but since she's doing it overly and keep hurting me with those harsh words, I started to hate her. Seriously..I hate her a lot!. We won't ever in the same way of thinking & kept fighting. As a kid, I was 9 in that time, I couldn't bear with that kind of situation. I hate everything about her.  So the best thing that I could do was to plan how to escape from her + the moody surroundings.

I couldn't solve any problem between her & my dad cuz it's not from me. As a small kid I could do nothing or even now on I still could do nothing..The only thing that came to mind is how to survive..

I need to protect myself from being hurt by the others. When we are talking about broken family, normally the kids will screw up in school to show their rebellion. But that's not happened to my case as all my closest cousins would go the boarding school (special school for those who got straight As) after one big exam when we were 12.  So it's kind of big issue if we didn't get good result in our family. So for sure I didn't want to be in such embarrass in front of them.

I was thinking if "I don't go to the school how could I get the good result. If I don't get the good result how I am going to the boarding school. If I am not there, how I am going to escape from this situation & how I am going to start a new life". I looked to all my closest cousins who made the splendid results in boarding school & went to the public university or went to abroad to study as my main role models.

So I just maintained to make sure my exam's result would be splendid as always. Not to study that hard but I made sure that the result wouldn't go down. As a desperate kid who tried my best to protect my feelings, I really din't want to be like her. I hate her most! So I was thinking to avoid her characters from getting into me. LOL. In that time I realized one thing..as much as I hate to be treated that bad by my mum..so I shouldn't do the same thing to the others.

I am a TV person for 24/7. So while watching those programs..whether drama..or cartoon..I picked the characters that I like. As an example, I hate the serious moody of my mum so I choose the funny character. She seemed so cold too & loved to yell around so it made appealed a lot to the warm person in the drama. But normally a warm person is not funny...so I made a decision to combine those into myself.

As a kid..I felt so unbearable in that time. I supposed to hug my mummy and told her about what happened all day long in  my school time..just like the other kids...but it's too impossible for me to do those..I never hug her in that time! So obviously I never expressed my feelings to her.

I had to do many things of my own which is I needed to control my feelings from being effected of those family problem...protected my feelings from my bad tempered mummy, making the decision for what kind of person should I be...& most important thing to maintain my result.

I didn't know how I could do all those things  when I was so young...9..10..11..12..I did plan everything what should I do for my future. As an example..after I was 12, I would get the boarding school. At 17, I must get another splendid result in order me to qualify to further studies abroad which is.....I wanted to stay there for good. I used to say "Malaysia is not for me". LOLOLOL..So I won't meet my mum any longer and forget all these bitter memories.

I got all the things that I planned except I couldn't get the opportunity to study abroad. I kept asking myself why in that time. But of course I still get the offer from the public universitty. I was still her biggest rival and I think it's getting worse with many other conflicts. But as always no matter what happen in this world I will make sure my studies won't be effected & I will grad successfully.

Obviously, all of these bitter memory made my heart scattered piece by piece.

One  day, I got a dream that she died. the feelings was so damn real. I didn't know what to do in that time! Thanks god it's only a dream. Ever since than I made a big step...to make my relationship much better. I didn't want to be regretted after she dies for real..it's too late. Right after these 10 years I think my scattered heart is ok although it's not that 100%  cure.

Since, I got a very hard memory when I was kid...I have one ambition (wooo..sounds so serious eh as a person who love to make stupid jokes like me)..I want to be such a gud mummy so my future kids won't feel the feelings that I got when I was kid. Their happiness is my main point. I'm not  searching a perfect man but just a fine man who could stand as my husband + best friends to protect me & the kids. I don't want to get marry for 5 or 10 years only..I want it to be forever...

I saw a lot of divorce cases in these days. I think it's so easy to do it that way just like when we couple..we find it couldn't work..so we just break up..Some people used to say that's normal for these days..but how's about the kids feeling. They couldn't grow in such stable emotions & that's the most important moment to determine their path in the future...

No matter in which year..let say : we could assume year 2000 and plus are the millennium years..year 1400 is the ancient days..so kids are kids..the feelings to be a kid is always be the same no matter in which year we live at..So we couldn't say kids in 2012 are fine if their parent are divorced rather than those kids who lived in year 1400!

A person told me divorce is a normal case but I really wish to ask that person "Do you know how's the feeling when your parent divorced?" I know that person very well and that person's parent never did.

Therefore, I wish I could find my Mr right...it's not my sake only..but the most important is he's gonna be the daddy of my kids. I couldn't afford to bring new life in this life & put them in deep sadness. I also couldn't afford to breed the stupid kids which I think most for their future. How to survive..I mean in term of career & etc..eh..what I am rambling out. Forget it.

But for what ever it is one of my biggest hope in this world is I want my family & friends are always happy...
I also feel that bless as my plan to further my studies abroad after I was 17 was not been fulfilled by god or else I'm sure I won't ever come back here..I won't be in good relationship with my mummy which will lead great upset in the future...

God is the Almighty who is the most great planner ever. He always listen to us..When we pray to him he will grant it or He's going to replace our wish to be something better. He knows what's the best for us. Thank you my dear god.

Shut Down...

It such a terrible week! Before this I used to seek something to shake my brain well but I think this time we could call it as TSUNAMI! LOL + sigh~~..yeah..I've got what I want..So to all of you, be careful on what you wish for! Hurm..I was showered with lot of works..bad news---for the presentation & I just got the latest bad news today.

My friend told me that she's going to resign today. It such a big news to me. To be very honest my mood did shut down since that time. I tried to be cool but I don't know whether it looked that way or nope.

She's a nice friend, but obviously no one is perfect in this world. & as I said I never ever expect that my friend is gonna be that super saint or perfect. No one does in this world. To all my friends, just stay the way you are. Every one of you are uniquely your self.

Seriously, I feel that down cuz she's the only person who made me felt good when I was so super new to the office. I was so damn lonely..I kept thinking why I should be shifted to this bank out of sudden when I supposed to go to Standard Chartered..I supposed to be with my other close friends there..the olive & sisters did bully me around with their attitude as they think I just earned my degree in such late (they think I'm super stupid!)..my second liner also didn't give me such welcome to the team when she gave me some nasty look & words for our job's related...no one did...except her...I owe her that much!!

Super thanks to my ex boss(I was working with her for our previous project) + friend..Million of thanks! She told me that she's too tired. Actually I have my own opinion but I'm totally speechless! I think it's fine to express what goes in my mind here as it's a very super duper private blog. There are only 2 friends that know about this blog..but I'm not so sure too whether they read this blog or nope as I didn't tell them.

For me something big happen to her which is so big..makes her feel out of energy..tiresome...99.99% +ve for that. I really want to ask her what happen but I couldn't afford to do so as I couldn't see her in such sad + tears. We were enjoying our lunch so I couldn't let her appetite went away if I asked that question. No way! 

She must be in such broken heart + tears already. So I don't want her to cry more. Hence, the best thing that I could do in that time was I gave her my courage & some info on the things that she plans to do. But seriously, I was so down as I will lost a nice friend. It must be something bad..seriously. I trust my instinct!

I wish I could tell her directly "Just tell me anything..I could be your 2nd shoulder any time..any where..I'm here with you for the laughter & tears..Your secret save with me for ever after!" I wish..but I'm kind of afraid she will feel worse..no...please..no..

I really hope that she could revert her decision..but it's too impossible...I think she needs her own time & space to cool down & ease her mind. I do understand that...as a friend I want the best thing for her..so do to my other friends.

Seriously, I'm so glad to be the second ears if that could ease her burden..it just like when I felt so miserable when I was new..no one gave me comfort except her! I'm not making new friends everyday & easily..but once I make friend..I want it to be forever...no matter how bad the situation is..no matter how millions miles away you are..you are always be my friend & I'm giving you my shoulder to rely on it!

Thank you

It's been a week since the robbery thingy happened to my home. At this point I should say thank you so much to one of my friend 'L' for letting me to stay at her house when I got so phobia to stay there. Thank you so much my dear friend. I feel that bless to have such wonderful friend :)

"How do you you feel of your life now?"

To be very honest I have so many topics to be written here but I got showered with the works which made me so damn tired when I got home. I used to complaint that my previous job is boring as I'm kind of handy with those. So I need something to shake my mind. So I move to the world of COBOL. Seriously, it's really like you are living on earth and suddenly you move to Mars!

I also told this to a friend of mine about how bored I was. She's asking me "How do you you feel of your life now?" LOLOL. I felt so good in that time but now on it turns to be pre hell. I get the heat now..I hope it's only pre for these weeks & everything will be good then..

I don't mind to learn as I really love to do so but I have a lot of things to be done in once. I did explain this in my previous post & today I got a sweet email from the HR that my presentation day is gonna be next week. Seriously, MF! The other batch got one month notification ok! Now , I'm being blessed with those batches..the other projects....& now you are talking about the presentation!. Michinnom (bastard!) LOL + Sigh~~~.

It sounds too ambition to learn the system within 1 week but I'm gonna try my best! errkk...it's easier to say it that way + to spell the words here...rather than doing it....

The sick week + robbery

I could call this week as the sick week as my daddy, & my brother got admitted to the hospital. Besides, 2 friends of mine got so sick too. To all of you, I hope you guys get the medicine on time, rest well & the most important thing get well soon.  I don't want any of my family & friends get sick. When you guys are happy so do I.

As I mentioned in the other post, I was planning to be in the office at 6.45 am. So I woke up at 6 am...I went to my living room & I felt a bit strange as I found out that the sliding door was slightly opened. I did lock that door.

I came to the kitchen and I saw the window for the wet kitchen was being broken! I got so damn shocked & scared if the thief was inside one of the rooms or even in the loo. I live in the 18th floor not 8th floor. I couldn't understand how he could risk his life by jumping from the lift balcony to the wet kitchen for 1 old Sony hand phone & an external hard drive.

My house is being provided with  a plasma tv, 2 CRT tv, microwave & some other things. In the other word there are so many things in my house. So, I'm totally afraid if he plans to come back to get those..The worst part is I was alone when he broke into my home. It so serious to rob but what if he could manage to come to my room & hurt me. I'm so scared....& I think I'm gonna find new home within these days.

No matter how hustler we are in the martial art but we are just normal human. If it's a sudden attack such as when we are sleeping, so we couldn't guarantee that our mind could work very well in such situation. Therefore, I'm considering to avoid rather than to face it.

But there was one funny part. The robber went to my kitchen and got my eid cookies which I supposed to bring it to the office. He also got my McD coke which I bought in the last 3 days. I was about to put it in the fridge but I was so damn lazy to do so. Well, if he get some food poisoning I do definitely know what's the real reason behind. LOL.

I'm so damn sorry

There were lot of things happened for the last whole week. Therefore, I'm gonna make few postings tonight. Let me start with this one. I think I made a wrong deed to my friend. It's not that I made a gossip or doing any back stabbing. Definitely nope! I did something that she hates which I couldn't avoid. In this case, I think I do understand the feeling very very very well!

I'll get mad if I'm in her position too as I have the same perspective. I know the situation....but I couldn't avoid it. Sigh~~..I had to deal a lot with that person which hurt you a lot. Seriously, my heart did bleed well & I wish that person never hurt you before.

I'm so damn sorry my dear friend! I'll try my best.......................................

I don't understand..

I wasn't be able to go out for lunch within these 2 days. 3 of my office mates complaining me why didn't I go out. It's not that I was not eating but I did take away! They claimed that I used to stress whenever they came to my place. Since I wanted to make the situation to be lighter I told them that I was not that stressed. It just that I was running out of time. But seriously, I have a lot of things to be done!

I had to run 3 batch in 2 days in a row. The thing is AO (atos) has some dead line while me and my second liner also need that region for our testing. I do understand her feelings on chasing the dateline and I also have some other things to be done. So I couldn't let myself stuck with that task alone. 2 main projects, 2 projects (almost done) + 1 small system changes are waiting for me!

I tried my best to explain my situation, I don't want to make the process slower. This is an example if I run the batch & I could complete it at 1.30 pm (without going out for lunch): my user could start to verify the reports at 2 pm right. So at 3.30 pm AO could start their batch then + I could move to my other tasks. That will fasten the time process and ease my working listing!.

The worst part, when we are running the batch, the condition won't be the same. You could not expect that if you did run the job (previously without any error) ..so you won't ever hit any error in the future. No way! There must be some. So it happened to me. One job hit error  8 times!!!! Some other failed for few times as it failed in some different steps.  These are time consuming!

I managed to complete all  in the second day at 1.30 pm. So it's fine as I could take a deep breath to relax after killing my self with so damn many errors!

At 3, AO came to my boss asking her to use the region. Just imagine if I still couldn't finish it. My boss must be in some cynical looks if I was still not completing it..not only my boss but the the AO too. I do care so much about my pride!

They won't ever care on how many batch that I have to deal with! So by finishing those earlier, I didn't have to deal with any one of them.

After lunch...at 2 pm...those waiting projects dashed to me like bullets. They need to be completed by this week. Just imagine, if I still stuck with the batch and the new tasks came like hell so how should I deal with that? I don't stress to do the code but I'm running with the time. I don't understand with them why they insisted like that so the best way was I didn't respond to the argument.

I may do a lot of stupid jokes all the time but I'm so super serious with my life-- my career..my school..& my pride! No matter what stupid things that I did, I won't jeopardize these in any single blink!

update:what makes you happy?

1st of all, sorry as I  couldn't fulfill my promise to write this post on  Saturday as I was so super tired after having my super long window shopping with my Scope's friends (Standard Chartered). We didn't realize that we were there for many hours till we felt that our legs were sort of being broken into 4 parts. LOL. Only then we realized that. Girls.....LOL. Since I was so super tired so I took the whole Sunday to ease my cells & tissues that were being damaged after having that long walk. LOL.

Back to the main topic, What makes you happy? For me I have few listings. It's gonna such long one. Hurm..so let me list the major points that make me happy in this life

• I'm in such smile if I could give every nice thing in this world to my mummy and daddy. I love you guys so much till my last breath. 
• I'm so happy if my friends are happy :) Remember of my quote very well! " If u are sad,u can share it with me.If I'm happy I will share it with u.If u stray from the path, I will scold u. If u make a mistake I will forgive u.If u are in trouble you can rely on me. I want u to love the world and this life!"  p/s this quote is applied to all my friends whenever they are my super old friends or the new one.  I'm not making new friends everyday, so when I make friends..it means I want it to be forever. I'm taking all whether it's the laughter or tears. Hold the hands and grow old together :)
•  I really wish I could be so good in COBOL + the current system that we use now as it's so important for my career. It's bcuz I'm so damn lazy to change my field any longer. I need to focus and I need to boost my career within these 2 years. 1 year is gone already & this is my final destination. ~~~How tragic~~~LOLOL!
• I could come back to the original size..I hope it won't be a false dream as I need the real food whenever I'm super stress like today! LOL + sigh...
• I could be able to finish my driving class as soon as possible!. I'm so lazy + scared. Hey gal, wake up!  I feel like slapping my own cheek. LOL.
• Last but not least, I could find my real Mr right without waiting super long. LOL. For me, marriage it's not only about me (for me it's only 30% but the rest go for my future kids). If I want to bring the new life in this world I must make sure they gonna live in happiness not in any sorrow. I couldn't bear if I bring any tears for those who I love most (my family & friends).
• Unimportant point: I miss my danish + blossom so much! Tsk..tsk..  

So do you have such listings like me or am I being super greedy to grab all those? I don't know but I want them!

What Makes You Happy?

I really like to talk about this topic but my head is so heavy already. I've got to go out tomorrow...urgh I'm so lazy..I'll make a post about this tomorrow...zzzzzz...sweet dream!

Dr. Oz: The Science of Why Men Cheat

When I spent my holidays at my hometown I was watching a medical discovery program. Hurmm..I think I still love discovery programs since I was kid till I'm old enough...It's being hosted by a medical doctor. His talk show is addressed as "The Dr Oz Talk Show". I was watching that program as it's kind of interesting to know what's the scientific facts why men tend to cheat.

So these are some of the info that been shared by Dr Oz and his panels.

"Dr. Oz said that over 50% of men have cheated in a relationship in their life, and we all know that rebuildin trust at that point is sometimes impossible.  In Dr. Oz’s audience, 30% of the people believe that they have been cheated on.  Gary Neuman wrote The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, because he wanted to empower women and let them know that this is how men think.  Neuman said only 8% of cheaters say it is about sex, 48% say they are looking for an emotional connection, 88% say the woman they cheat with is not better looking or in better shape than their wife, and 77% of cheating men had friends who also cheated."

It made me think twice of  the "88% fact". It sort of wasted for the men since they got "worse women" rather than their wive. I'm not supporting any men's cheat but since they did it wut could we do then? So since they did it at the very first place why didn't they find the hot gucci mama?  LOLOL.. It's kind of relief that I'm a gal, I don't know what happen if I'm being born as a man. I must be that super playboy on the whole entire milky way! LOL. Well, ignore my stupid rambling. I'm happy enough to be a gal :)

Back to Dr Oz show, I think the talk show is very nice and full with a lot of good information. I found his website and I think it's gonna be a good resource for all of us. I share his website here:
http://www.doctoroz.com

ahh..I almost forget to share the other content about that show which I think that kind of interesting.


5 Key Signs Your Man is Cheating:

1.  Less Sex

If you are having less sex than usual, this is Dr. Oz’s first sign of cheating.

2.  Avoids Contact

If he avoids having contact with you, this is Dr. Oz’s second sign of cheating.

3.  Criticizes More

If he is becoming more critical of you or criticizes you often, this is Dr. Oz’s third sign of cheating.

4.  Starts Fights

If he is starting more fights with you, this is Dr. Oz’s fourth sign of cheating.

5.  Away From Home A Lot

And the number one sign of cheating is if your husband or man is away from home a lot.  A woman’s intuition is really the best way to tell if a man is cheating… if you have a gut feeling, unfortunately, you are probably correct.

Gary Neuman’s research has found that men do not reform completely, and this concerns Dr. Oz because that could mean that even though you think you are in a monogamous relationship, you could get a sexually transmitted infection (STI’s).  Did you know that 10% of people who think they are in committed relationships still get STI’s?  Lisa Flowers says that this statistic is shocking and horrifying, but this is exactly why everyone should always get tested.

Learn the foreign Language

I was rambling about michinnom yesterday and made a joke about how to learn the foreign language faster. So I think it's fine for me to talk about this.

P/S: (serious note: no need to read this post if you could learn the foreign languages easily as I'm not talking about how to learn them from books solely. Some geeks may think my rambling is rubbish)

The first foreign language that I learnt was English. When I was kid I loved to watch English programs (cartoon, Sesame Streets, movies or any discovery programs) but the most important thing-----those programs came with the subs.

I did tend to listen well to the words and compared them with the subs. Additionally, while I was watching the program I would also pick some words that could attract me very well. One of the example is "deadlock". I was in primary school in that time, I guess around 9 or 10 years old. I watched one animal discovery program and I did automatically like that word without any good reason. So I looked straightaway to the subs. Hence these words were being stuck into my mind without any hardship to memorize them.

By this way I gained my vocab at the very first stage. My mom gave me a handy English vocabulary when I was in my primary. I love it a lot but I don't know where that tiny dictionary now :(  It's from my mummy!!  I used that dictionary very well and since I did have some vocab already, it's not a hard job to learn the language in school. Besides, I really love how English people pronounce the phrases. So, I enjoyed to learn it as I love it so much.

When I grew up a lil bit older I also watched hindi movies. They also pronounced their phrase so good.  Since the words are so good to my ears, I used the same TV method as I learnt English. But this time, it's kind of a bit different as it more attract me that much as they have so many similar words that has the same meaning. So of course I learnt it much easier.

Since, I love to watch TV that much... ( sigh~~I hope I won't get any children like me or else I have to give a long speech to them to stop watching tv that much...focus on doing the school's home work although I'm not that person when I was kid. LOL) so I stuck with Latinos drama..Pinoy..Korean..& Japanese.

I used the same method like I used to learn English & Hindi. I also matched the languages..such as Malay & Tagalog..Tagalog & Spanish...Spanish & English.Well, since it just a non formal way to learn those..so I just have some few vocab only.

I also learnt Persian language from my Iranian friends. It's not that they did teach me at first but I listened carefully when they spoke to each other. I don't know but I'm a lil bit more pick up when it's about listening. Therefore I could detect their pronunciation. I realized their words contain a lot of Malay and Hindi words. So started from that I grew some more vocab of other non Malay & Hindi similar Persians words by asking my friends. Hence I understand the language.

Despite of knowing some words from these language, I still couldn't learn Chinese & Tamil languages. I always wonder why.  But when I re think about it I know wut's the real reason is. Actually there is only one reason!

P/s don't feel offend, I'm not being racist! 

The only reason is those languages couldn't attract me as I need a sweet nice mellow sound when they pronounce the words! ahahahha

Moral of the story: Find something appeal factor that could attract you to the language. Use my method & combine it with the book version in school. Hurmm..I don't know if it works well to you but for me it's the best way.

Since, I like something visible..could be felt..could be touched (I hate ebooks as I couldn't touch the paper..ahahha) so I think you know one thing....

Of course I couldn't be so good in computer programming language bcuz the lang has no sound!!!!! LOL. Seriously I used to ask why I was stuck with computer science..If only I took any engineering...I think I could earn phd long time ago without sweating that much. Damn..Teme!!! (It means stupid in Japanese..it also equivalent to baga..it also a Japanese word) P/s don't put these words in your mind okay..& claim that you learn it from me. LOL.

I even hate programming language for the rest of my life. Err..but what I'm doing now? ahahhaha..As I couldn't make myself to like it....so I made an experiment to console myself. How? I joined the freelance job while I studied. If I get any job so I'll get the money right..so the money is the factor thing that could attract me to learn the language! hehe

I was so stuck back then as my mind couldn't go the programming language channel. LOL. So what do you think of exam's result if I remained that way? Meanwhile, my first university is super strict. Once you get expel..no second chance at all. You could try your best even to rock your country..but nothing could be done okay! It's not my word but it happened. It was being a major story of the country that one girl appealed since she got expelled.

She's a smart student by getting dean list for her 1st sem. But since she was under influence by some student's organization so she couldn't obtain her study. No one guided her as she's an orphanage. Her parent died already. The public mass did report this and tried to appeal for her. It's even got some influenced by some political issue. She regretted on what she did and appealed to the minister.

Could you imagine of the outcome? It's nothing okay! So don't ever dream to be kicked cuz it's gonna be for good.

My experiment worked well, so now I'm using the same method to learn Cobol. LOL. Some people may laugh at me on how I learn the programming thing. What ever. It's not that they help me or give me money. It's about me myself how to survive in this world. :)

Well, I hope some of you may take the good side if you find it useful. But don't take the bad side of me. LOL..good night all, my eyes........I have to go to the office early tomorrow to run the batch!. urggghhh..well it's fine at least it's the last day of the week :)