When I was in the very first day in my office two girls did approach me and asked me to join them for lunch. Ok that's nice. There were few other girls from other department. I introduced myself to them. Just simple introduction. I told them that I just grad and I was working before this. Do I have to do such detail introduction? They will think I'm a snobbish girl then. So let it be simple.
One of the question from one of them. So you got diploma from UTM? (It was my first school.) You got the degree from UiTM then?
Well, what should I say? Was I supposed to say?? "noooo...I am a Master holder" Is that the appropriate answer? I never want to be assumed as snobbish and nothing like that in my mind. I was choking a bit and I just said yes to their question. Nothing need to be butchered around.
The "atmosphere" was changing day by day. It was the 2 of them + 1 of their friend. So it was the 3 olive sisters.
I had nothing to deal with them in term of the job in that time since I was still in the different team. So what had I done to them? I never spit any thing about myself except that short introduction and I used to listen more than talking while I was with them.
They used to give me such cynical look & words. What ever came from my mouth they will try to make it as no. What did I do to them? They even laugh that I am fat while I was eating (we were talking about science center that has zero gravity point). Damn.
That's so super nice & I wish I could say "are you stupid? what did you learn in your physic class?" I wish to come out with those words in front of their faces.
I still remember when I was asking them where they live at. I think that's a normal question when we know someone for new especially they are my office mate. THEY WERE ANSWERING IT IN HALF HEART!
They looked to each other and answered it such way of they didn't want to say where they lived. Damn! They were kind of afraid if I asked to live them? HELL NO! Never! I rather to wake up that early from my previous home to go to my office although it's that damn far from my office.
It's so obvious and only stupid person could think positively from the situation. We could measure on people's honesty just from their gestures, looks and words!
Many of my office mate and even my boss asked me why "I don't stay together with them?" or at least stay in the same block so I could go to office with them together. LOL. A big gulp for my throat. What should I tell them? should I tell them they even didn't want to tell me where they live..then how could I stay with them??
If you are in my shoe what you gonna feel?
The day passed by and the hated faces came along. It's so bad especially it becuz I was with them while I was having my lunch. It's the time that we were eating & to be very honest I felt that I couldn't chew the food by having such situation.
The worst time was my lunch as I had to go with them. Sometimes, I went out with my Scope friends although it's so far just for the sake to avoid them. I need to enjoy my time and I need to eat peacefully.
I was thinking that hard what did I do to them? I never be snobbish in front of them, I just told them that I just grad & I was working before. I didn't have any connection in term of job with them. So what was that?
I do understand that no one is perfect in this world even me myself...sometimes..did hurt people around me without any intention.
So I was telling myself it's fine maybe they need some times to adjust themselves with me. But I'm only an ordinary gal who has a heart and limit. So when I reached the max there will be no other chance. One day I just wanted to try on one thing. I told one of the gal (which is the nicest among of the 3) a lil bit about myself.
Since then they became nicer to me and sometimes they went to be that nice till I felt so scared. It's so strange as they used to be so mean to me. The best thing that I could guess is maybe they think I super stupid that's why I was working first and only then further my degree. Sigh~~~
Come on, should I tell you that I'm doing this..that...my research was about steganography and I did invent the latest method to sustain the image quality so the secret messages that being inserted to the image could not be detected that easy. I also insert the high security to the image. The best part is the method that I invented is the first ever in the world.
I used to work with web system + server..SMS system development..I'm a CCNA holder.. this..that..bla...bla..so now I'm working working with mainframe hence it will be perfect for in the next 2 yrs as I do have enough experience in those stuff and combine with a bit of old dinosaur technology. bla...bla..sort of...
Am I have to spit it out all these to you and only then you want to be my friend?? This is so bullshit ok!
I never ever wish someone to treat me special but I just want to be treated normally as I'm just a simple person. I love to make some stupid things..stupid jokes..
For me I don't mind on who ever my friends are...as long as they are personally nice. Since they did bite me very well till I couldn't hold my heart well so....the pain and anger are always in my heart. I'm always like this..I'm giving the chance to the max but once the max is there...there will be no other for the future.
So obviously, I don't have any intention to be friends with them especially the worst 2..olive & her sister in the infra side. With this kind of thing, I never regard them as my friend. The funny thing is that olive did the friend's request in the facebook.
Hello...facebook is only for my friends. No outsiders are allowed. Well, I really hope this thing could be her biggest lesson in relationship's matter + never ever do the same thing like you did to me to the others. Treat people with respect although maybe the are just cleaner in our office!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Am I so damn stupid?
I don't know where should I begin with. There are too many things stuck inside my heart my but none could be expressed well. sigh~~. I think I'll do many postings from time to time in order to organize the contents of my heart.
Now is July 2012 and that's mean half of the year is gone. Let me do some "audit" to my self. SDLC? I think I should call this as my own life cycle development. I'm chocking. Damn it. LOL. Let's check what did I achieve last year 2011.
1. I'm done with my MA
2. I got the chance to be in the different field in IT which is COBOL.
3. I got A with my thesis.
Well, these are the biggest dreams ever that I could achieve for the year. But how about the things that still pending?
1. To get my "original" size. urgh...damn..damn..Now I'm singing Avrill song. Damn..damn. LOL
2. To get the new MR DRIVER aka in my case the soul mate of the life time.
Now my nose is bleeding with these listings. My RAM is not working now. LOL.
For what ever it is... whether I achieved my dreams or nope I get the consequence. Let me start with the things that I achieved first. It's totally nice to achieve our dreams but..............some times we have to pay with such high price on what we wish for! NOW I'M PAYING THE PRICE IN EVERY SINGLE DIME.
I don't know whether I am stupid or what when I chose to further the Master degree rather than choosing an offer to send me abroad for wider task in every six months. Getting nice flight..nice hotel & those perks. I was in one of arab bank.
I was so excited to further my studies as I want to do the "redemption" and obviously I was so excited as well for the offer. Both of them are such dream in a life time.
It's fine enough if I could stay in the certain countries for a long time. As an example if they let me stay in US for 2 years. Hence I could further my studies in the same. Shooting 2 birds with one stone.
But....I asked them on do they offer a post grad program? The answer was YES but it only for managers level only. Come on I'm gonna be too old to earn the master degree if I say yes to them. Besides, it's not easy at all to get the place for master degree program in the public university. It's bcuz they are so strict with the quality instead of those private school. It's not that we could apply happily to the course but we have to get the approval from the academician that could evaluate our grade & 1 other external panel that could judge on our works.
The worst part is we could not ask randomly. They must know us very very well for years and they must be recognizable. I was in half breathe when I filled in the forms. So it's totally not a good idea to decline the offer.
I was thinking I'll be back for them after I complete my studies.
To be very honest I love my post grad time. I learnt a lot & I realized that we could be at our best to create something new only if we understand well with the basic concept. One of my lecturer reminded us on the prophet word saying that the best human alive is anyone that doing something that could ease the others. As many as you could. My ex Prime Minister also reminded us "don't be a follower, be an inventor". My other lecturers also did courage us with the same thing.
So from that moment I wanted to do something that relate to many people which I mean I could contribute the goodness for them. The most important thing I'm doing something that is so important to many people not only to one company. Besides, I was too bored with my job which was in graphic design, & website development. Maybe I got used to those jobs so I felt it's a bit easy & handy to deal with those website thingy and web server. I need something to shake my brain.
One day after I sent the thesis, I did search around for the jobs that I like. Of course the jobs that relate to many people + GLAMOUR! lololol. I think the glamour symptom is being stuck to me since I was kid. Now I'm damn old enough but I still could not overcome with it.
I got one from BP in doing SAP. The salary is so nice especially after 2 years experience. I could earn more than 15K per month whether in MYR or USD. It depends on which oil gas company that we are working for. But when I searched about the job prospect, the money is so sweet but the task is much more sweet!
Normally they will work till around 3 or 4 am. Could you imagine that? If I am a man of course I'm so happy to grab it. But I am a woman. A normal woman who wants to get marry with my soul mate one day. & of course to be a mummy. One of my ambition in my life time is to be a good mummy to my kids. It sounds funny. ahahha. But I stick with it.
If I'm working that way how could I be a good wife + mummy in the future? (although I still don't have any candidate yet at the moment. LOL. So I did skip with the idea of SAP.
Then I moved to the banks for the management trainee. Normally we could be a bank manager right after 1 & half year or 2 years program. I went for the exams & those things. But I was thinking I still love the technical side + I know nothing about banking technical transaction (the programmer job for this side). For me a manager is a top position which play such important role there.
If I join them I will know nothing about these tedious technical works. Well, I will know about bank's UAT..SIT..and sort of. But how it works? The codes? I don't want to know for it's acronym only. UAT = User acceptance Testing & do the management job. No way. I need to know at least 80% on what I am doing.
So I made up my mind let me start from beginning although I had many easier choices which were SAP, bank project management, researcher & being a lecturer. All of them pay really well!
Am I that damn stupid to say no to them? sigh. Now I got my dream but to be very honest it so damn pain. I do love my job that much but sometimes I have a bit regret feeling. The only thing that really bother me is I have to re learn from the very beginning. I have to start from zero! I have to ask many people.........urghhhhh! It's soooooooooooo hard!
Sometimes I was thinking from where that I got this stupid guts to start from the very beginning and leave those nice things?? But when I think if I am not here I won't ever have the chance to get know few nice persons and few persons that I could call as "I don't have any intention to be your friend".
Well I think I'm gonna stop here now and do the other postings some other day especially about the "I don't have any intention to be your friend". It's too late. I have to go early tomorrow as that's the last day of this week for me. I'm gonna have my break from friday till monday. So I must make sure that my job is done.
Am I so stupid? Sigh~~
Now is July 2012 and that's mean half of the year is gone. Let me do some "audit" to my self. SDLC? I think I should call this as my own life cycle development. I'm chocking. Damn it. LOL. Let's check what did I achieve last year 2011.
1. I'm done with my MA
2. I got the chance to be in the different field in IT which is COBOL.
3. I got A with my thesis.
Well, these are the biggest dreams ever that I could achieve for the year. But how about the things that still pending?
1. To get my "original" size. urgh...damn..damn..Now I'm singing Avrill song. Damn..damn. LOL
2. To get the new MR DRIVER aka in my case the soul mate of the life time.
Now my nose is bleeding with these listings. My RAM is not working now. LOL.
For what ever it is... whether I achieved my dreams or nope I get the consequence. Let me start with the things that I achieved first. It's totally nice to achieve our dreams but..............some times we have to pay with such high price on what we wish for! NOW I'M PAYING THE PRICE IN EVERY SINGLE DIME.
I don't know whether I am stupid or what when I chose to further the Master degree rather than choosing an offer to send me abroad for wider task in every six months. Getting nice flight..nice hotel & those perks. I was in one of arab bank.
I was so excited to further my studies as I want to do the "redemption" and obviously I was so excited as well for the offer. Both of them are such dream in a life time.
It's fine enough if I could stay in the certain countries for a long time. As an example if they let me stay in US for 2 years. Hence I could further my studies in the same. Shooting 2 birds with one stone.
But....I asked them on do they offer a post grad program? The answer was YES but it only for managers level only. Come on I'm gonna be too old to earn the master degree if I say yes to them. Besides, it's not easy at all to get the place for master degree program in the public university. It's bcuz they are so strict with the quality instead of those private school. It's not that we could apply happily to the course but we have to get the approval from the academician that could evaluate our grade & 1 other external panel that could judge on our works.
The worst part is we could not ask randomly. They must know us very very well for years and they must be recognizable. I was in half breathe when I filled in the forms. So it's totally not a good idea to decline the offer.
I was thinking I'll be back for them after I complete my studies.
To be very honest I love my post grad time. I learnt a lot & I realized that we could be at our best to create something new only if we understand well with the basic concept. One of my lecturer reminded us on the prophet word saying that the best human alive is anyone that doing something that could ease the others. As many as you could. My ex Prime Minister also reminded us "don't be a follower, be an inventor". My other lecturers also did courage us with the same thing.
So from that moment I wanted to do something that relate to many people which I mean I could contribute the goodness for them. The most important thing I'm doing something that is so important to many people not only to one company. Besides, I was too bored with my job which was in graphic design, & website development. Maybe I got used to those jobs so I felt it's a bit easy & handy to deal with those website thingy and web server. I need something to shake my brain.
One day after I sent the thesis, I did search around for the jobs that I like. Of course the jobs that relate to many people + GLAMOUR! lololol. I think the glamour symptom is being stuck to me since I was kid. Now I'm damn old enough but I still could not overcome with it.
I got one from BP in doing SAP. The salary is so nice especially after 2 years experience. I could earn more than 15K per month whether in MYR or USD. It depends on which oil gas company that we are working for. But when I searched about the job prospect, the money is so sweet but the task is much more sweet!
Normally they will work till around 3 or 4 am. Could you imagine that? If I am a man of course I'm so happy to grab it. But I am a woman. A normal woman who wants to get marry with my soul mate one day. & of course to be a mummy. One of my ambition in my life time is to be a good mummy to my kids. It sounds funny. ahahha. But I stick with it.
If I'm working that way how could I be a good wife + mummy in the future? (although I still don't have any candidate yet at the moment. LOL. So I did skip with the idea of SAP.
Then I moved to the banks for the management trainee. Normally we could be a bank manager right after 1 & half year or 2 years program. I went for the exams & those things. But I was thinking I still love the technical side + I know nothing about banking technical transaction (the programmer job for this side). For me a manager is a top position which play such important role there.
If I join them I will know nothing about these tedious technical works. Well, I will know about bank's UAT..SIT..and sort of. But how it works? The codes? I don't want to know for it's acronym only. UAT = User acceptance Testing & do the management job. No way. I need to know at least 80% on what I am doing.
So I made up my mind let me start from beginning although I had many easier choices which were SAP, bank project management, researcher & being a lecturer. All of them pay really well!
Am I that damn stupid to say no to them? sigh. Now I got my dream but to be very honest it so damn pain. I do love my job that much but sometimes I have a bit regret feeling. The only thing that really bother me is I have to re learn from the very beginning. I have to start from zero! I have to ask many people.........urghhhhh! It's soooooooooooo hard!
Sometimes I was thinking from where that I got this stupid guts to start from the very beginning and leave those nice things?? But when I think if I am not here I won't ever have the chance to get know few nice persons and few persons that I could call as "I don't have any intention to be your friend".
Well I think I'm gonna stop here now and do the other postings some other day especially about the "I don't have any intention to be your friend". It's too late. I have to go early tomorrow as that's the last day of this week for me. I'm gonna have my break from friday till monday. So I must make sure that my job is done.
Am I so stupid? Sigh~~